The Big and Jet Show
by Konpakku
Summary: okay so you see this is jet and big's tv show okay
1. Chapter 1

Deep in a dark, dank and otherwise rather terrible cellar lurks on man...well not really a man more of a freaky bird man that's green but that's beside the point, anyways this bird guy is working away the night trying to fix his board because this bitch wouldn't fix it for the 50th time. And that fucking bitch wouldn't even go in the kitchen for him, so he had to go slice his own cheese while planes crashed around him. Can you believe that? Such a stuck up whore, but that doesn't really matter so let's get back to the matter at hand shall we? You see this green bird well he's a hawk and his name is Jet by the way, he was working on his board and then suddenly it snapped in half and that pissed him off so he threw it out the window because you see he was suddenly on the top floor so he broke that window with the board and then it landed on a blue hedgehog and he died.

"What the fuck man, that was my last EXTREME gear or whatever the hell you call them! I don't want your blood on this sexy wondrous contraption, I don't want anyone's blood on it!Except my own but only because it will make that bitch Wave have to clean it! FUCK YOU SONIC."

After Jet had uttered these words he proceeded to jump out the window like some kind of badass as he flew down somehow because he's a birds and birds can fly right? So anyways he was flying down or something when he came acrossed the ground and then he landed and walked up to Sonic's corpse and poked it. And then it didn't move since it was a corpse so Jet picked it up and threw it in the garbage because hey fuck you Sonic this is my yard fuck off bitch. So anyways after Jet had finished disposing of the body he went to see his best friend who was like this purple cat named Big. And they got along real well because Jet loved purple cats named Big so anyways Jet was going to Big's house and then he knocked and Big opened the door and was all.

"Oh hey Jet I was waiting all day to see you so you see I started a fappan away because I didn't think I would ever see you again."

And then Jet was all.

"but why big"

ANd then Big was all

"Because you see my mother was grocery shopping and then I flew to the doctor to say hi and he said I only have one week left to live so I started crying and then Froggy started crying. But then the doctor was all 'wait I'm mistaken you only have 3 days to live srry bro hope you didn't have any plans so fuck you' so I left and then came here and fapped and and then waited for you so we could party... did you get all of that"

but then Jet was badass so he didn't listen so he said

"tl;dl"

But Big didn't get mad at Jet because he knew Jet was a very busy guy so he took it to mean that he was very busy and maybe angryish. So then Big was like 'hey bro wanna go get sum ice creem' and then Jet was all 'fuck yea bro' and den they wented to got the ice cream so you see they ate it and came back to that spot. and Big was all 'so what do we do now' and Jet was all 'i dunno what do you want to do' and Big was all 'i dunno what do you want to do' and then Jet had an idea and said 'lets go visit tails and egg his house' and Big was all 'okay'

So you see they went to Tails' house and then egged it and then Tails walked out and was all 'what are you guys doing at my house' and den they said they were egging it and then Tails pulled out something dangerous looking. and then it turned out it was a shotgun which scared big and jet so they hided and then Tails started shooting at them and they randed and he chasded.

WILL OUR HEROES EVER ESCAPE THE FOUL CLUTCHES OF TAILS THE TWO EYED FOX? WILL BIG FIND A CURE FOR HIS MYSTERIOUS DISEASE? WILL JET FIX THAT GODDAMN EXTREME GEAR? AND THE MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION OF ALL...WILL JET CURE THAT SEVERE CASE OF CRABS HE HAS?

TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR

'THE BIG AND JET SHOW'! 


	2. MEAT THE NWE FREND CHAPTRE DUE

On the last episode of the Big and Jet show we had left our heroes in a rather terrible situation. Tails had been chasing them with a shotgun, and they had seemingly no hope to escape from his mass faggotry. Do our heroes stand a chance against this foul monstrosity? Well, your ass is going to find this out because...  
IT'S THE BIG AND JET SHOOOOOOOWWWWW, EPISODE TWO: FUCK YOU TAILS I DON'T WANT ANY BULLETS IN MY HEAD. I DON'T CARE IF YOU HAVE DAT MASSIVE SHOTGUN I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOUR SHIT YOU AREN'T GOING TO SHOOT US, WE ARE PRETTY MUCH ALLERGIC TO BULLETS AND THEY MAKE US GO DEAD. DO YOU WANT US TO GO DEAD TAILS, DO YOU? OH YOU DO, NEVERMIND THEN I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO HAVE SOME SORT OF DARING ESCAPE. WHAT'S THAT? YOU DON'T WANT US TO HAVE A DARING ESCAPE? WELL FUCK YOU WE'RE GOING TO HAVE ONE AND YOU DAMN WELL BETTER LIKE IT, BECAUSE YOU'RE GETTING KILLED OFF THIS EPISODE.

So you see Big and Jet were running from the fox who just happened to have a rather large shot gun, Tails had sadly cornered them in what one would call well... a corner of some sort. As he loaded his shotgun and prepared to shoot something amazing happened, you see when he fired the shotgun it missed Big and Jet completely and Tails broke both of his arms. After Tails had broke his pathetically boney arms he cried out this saying

"MY ARMS, THEY ARE VERY MUCH IN PAIN BECAUSE YOU SEE THEY ARE BROKEN AND WHEN ARMS GET BROKE THEY HURT VERY MUCH BECAUSE YOU SEE THIS CAUSES PAIN TO PEOPLE AND AND AND. MY ARM IS BROKE WHY DO I HAVE A SHOTGUN THAT I CAN'T EVEN FIRE PROPERLY IT MAKES NO SENSE DO YOU KNOW WHY I HAVE THIS SHOTGUN? BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE MYSELF BECAUSE IF IT CAN BREAK MY ARMS THIS EASILY IT CAN'T BE A GOOD THING RIGHT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? MY ARMS HAVE FALLEN OFF AND THAT I'M PROBABLY GOING TO BLEED TO DEATH? OH FUCKMUFFINS, IT WAS MY BIRTHDAY TOO WELL I GUESS WE ALL GOTTA GO OUT SOMETIME. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING GUYS? I KNOW THAT SONIC DIED BECAUSE JET FELL ON HIM AND IT WAS VERY PAINFUL AND I'M BLEEDING TO DEATH RIGHT NOW OH I THINK MY HEART JUST STOPPED BEATING. YEAH THERE'S ONLY A FEW SECONDS UNTIL I STOP BREATHING. OH HEY I STOPPED BREATHING AND MY LUNGS JUST STOPPED WORKING. WELL GOODBYE, I GUESS I'M DEAD NOW." And then Tails was dead.

Big and Jet were looking at Tails' corpse for about twenty minutes after this thing had happened and it was weird, and they didn't know what to say because hey what do you say when you see a corpse? If you said you'd say anything at all and wouldn't just stand there staring or screaming you're a goddamn liar. And then they looked at eachother for like five minutes and it was pretty awkward so then Jet decided to be all badass and broke that damn silence.

"Hey Big, since we just watched a fox bleed to death you want to go have a party of some sort? you know the kind of party that only a true badass would be able to plan? yeah I know you know what kind of party I mean"But then Big didn't know what kind of party he meant and it was confusing so he said.

"what kind of party."

and Jet was all

"a badass party."

And Big was all

"what is a badass party exactly"

so Jet had to explain it to him in a real simple manner

"well you see big a badass party is where all the badasses in the neighbourhood get together and throw the best party that mankind has ever seen. but i know you might not exactly get that and assume it's like a normal party but with more drinking but rest assured it isn't like that at all. because you see badass are all about doing things that would make people say 'hey that guy is really badass i want to be just like him when i grow up mommy can i be like him' and then the mother would be all 'hes setting that school on fire you little dick why would you want to do that' and then the kid would be all 'i dunno man it just seems like it'd be a pretty fun thing you know what i mean?' and then the mother would be all 'oh i get it sure you can be like him' and then these badasses would be setting the kid on fire and he'd swear revenge and become a badass himself and then everyone who isn't a badass would die and then we'd eat ice creem man. did you get that all?"

and then big was all "yeah I get it man"

So then you see Big and Jet went back to Big's place to plan the party because hey there has never been a badass party at

Big's house in the history of mankind and I'm pretty sure Big created all of existence because why else would I be saying this in my storyit would be stpid if he hadnt and I said he had. so that means he had to have created it, so then they were at Big's how setting up the party and then Big was all

"so who are we going to invite"

and Jet was all

"well since it's your first badass party we're going to go simple and only invite one true badass so it won't overwhelm you okay? that badass is shadow so be prepared or else your body won't be ready and you might die."

And you see Big understood this because he had obviously died in the past and he didn't want this to happen again so he didn't really question anything that Jet had been saying so he was all "fuck yeah" and then they had finished setting up the shit for the party and it all seemed to be going pretty well so they called Shadow on the phone and he said he'd come over and then they started waiting for him and he was suddenly there so that was pretty cool so they said "hi" and Shadow was all

"DAMN Hello, how is this DAMN party I brought along the DAMN chaos DAMN emeralds, DAMN. Want to start the DAMN party now? DAMN."

So you see now they were partying and setting everything on fire and then suddenly the corpsey duo of Tails and Sonic came in and Shadow fucking hated that because Tails and Sonic are DAMN losers so he expressed his distaste in a rather tasteful sentence. Because you see Shadow is a very classy man and he won't stoop to the level of these fgts you want to know what this classy line is? You bet your ass you do, so you see Shadow said

"DAMMIT, what are you DAMN idiots doing here? DAMN, I mean who wants you DAMN fags here?I mean DAMMIT, who the DAMN do you think you DAMN are? I mean DAMN you look like DAMN zombies and DAMMIT that is not DAMN good, so you can get the hell out of here. I mean DAMN, I hate you all. dammit"

And then Sonic and Tails sort of groaned because they're zombies and I'm pretty sure zombies don't know how to talk and if they did that would be kind of creepy. So they groaned and pointed and Jet and they were all mad so Shadow kicked them both in the nuts simultaneously so they exploded and then Shadow turned to everyone and just sort of stared so they left so they wouldn't ruin the party and got some ice creem

So after they had ate dat delicious ice creem and then they left the ice creem store and it exploded and they were disappoint at this shocking turnout so they looked at this strange new foe who had decided to approach them. Except it wasn't a new foe it was two and it wasn't really new at all it was DED TAILS AND SONIC and they were all dead and such and were kind of rotting prematurely so Shadow went up and bitch slapped Sonic's head off but he picked it up and put it back on and started crying. And then it turned out everyone they killed was a zombie so they look at them and they were all "Awwww shit bitch, this is what you got? Well this is going to be pretty grand kind of like that time we got drunk off of water and killed Amy and then danced and then flew into the air and became Batman and then you see-"

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF THE BIG AND JET SHOW, WILL JET EVER FINISH THAT STORY HE JUST STARTED TELLING TO THOSE ZOMBIES? WILL THEY EVER GET TO HAVE THEIR BADASS PARTY IN PEACE? WILL RANDOM THREATS SOME POSING THEMSELVES AND TRYING TO IMPRESS THEM LIKE HOW AMY USED TO TRY AND IMPRESS SONIC? WILL THIS STORY EVER BE GOOD?  
FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON THE BIG AND JET SHOOOOOWWWWW! 


End file.
